soon after; another post?

My problem is that I freak myself out every time I lose weight. I WANT lose weight but every time I approach the 130s, I start binging like crazy and gain weight like I'm some kind of fucked marathon eater.

What is it? Why do I do this?

Is it because I can clearly see grotesque bones on my chest (which, honestly, I love)?

Is it because the closer I get to the 130s, the more people start talking (I have a lot of muscle weight so I look smaller than I weigh but who gives a shit?)?

Clothes? I do hate buying new clothes (unless they're in a smaller size).

Whatever it is, it's done. I'm over it. When New Year comes, I'll be the most hardcore vegan I know (Um, I'll elaborate later). I turn 24 next year, I think it's time. I need to celebrate my birthday (I don't know why I'm mentioning this now) with a low low new weight.

My friends like to feed me but I'm just going to have to start saying no and eating half a portion. Until vegan comes and then I'll refuse everything.

It's awful that I'm using veganism as an excuse not to eat crap but whatever, I can't care anymore.