07242010

So...

These past few days have been mixed. I mean, school is great/horrible! I'm meeting some great people and although the work sucks, I'm just glad that it's over by July 31st. That's only, what, a week and I'll be DONE. Until August 23rd, when school starts again. Graduate school sucks people. Don't. Do. It.

Very rewarding though.

Foodwise. Also mixed. I go through most of the day fine and then random moments of insanity overwhelm me. Yogurt and yogurt. And then piles of cookies. That was today.

Good news is that I finished them off and all I have left is yogurt and fruit. I planned a day of bad for the end of the week but I'll bargain with myself. If the rest of the week goes awesomely, I get to choose whether I want to go. Hopefully, my willpower and noticable weightless will make me want to choose not to eat there but we know what's going to happen. The only place I'll allow myself to get out before then is this frozen yogurt place. 150 calories for a whole bowl + whatever calories of strawberries = full stomach + happiness.

I hope you guys are doing well! Despite a few shortcomings, I'm feeling good.

07202010

Yesterday and today haven't been that great but I'm pleased to say that I haven't felt the urge to purge. My friend, I love her, but she loves to eat (although she's in pretty terrific shape). I ate half an ice cream cone and a whole chicken sandwich + fries. Before that, the day was good but it's whatever. I ate because it made my friend happy. She's been very unhappy with my eating habits but I love her enough to eat for her. I only get to see her once every year or so.

Tomorrow I'm heading towards Illinois and I thought that I'd be able to study and eat yogurt in peace but my friend has told one of her friends that I'm coming to town. She wants to get dinner with me. Like, every day.

I'm going to refuse and say that I'm busy with school. Which is true because it's a library school boot camp. I'm excited to be to busy to eat. Lots of walking as well.

The truth is that I do want to eat though. I worry about what will happen if I ever reach my goal (which, at the rate I'm going is... hmm..). I don't want to eat nothing and then gain 10 or so or more back because I'm eating again. I want to eat healthier but at the moment, I can care enough to wonder too much about it. I'm too busy.

I'm going to go browse around and read everyone's posts now.

:)

07172010

I made it to my friend's place!

Honestly, it's only been the first day but I think it'll be alright. Her mom has accepted that I eat healthily so she hasn't been pushing food on me and she accepts that I won't eat all the things that they eat (so far, I've only see fat and sugar while browsing through their kitchen). Yesterday, I ate yogurt and half a chicken kabob (with some liquor on the side...). Insanity. I'd never be able to get away with that at home.

And I've come to the conclusion that I when I eat all the craziness that I do when I'm at home, it's due to habit. I'm hoping to break some (or most) of my habits while I'm here.

I definitely have internet here so I'll be sure to post while being incognito about it. I'll let you know how day 2 goes tonight (or tomorrow morning if there's binge drinking involve. I never knew how much this girl drank until hanging out with her yesterday).

Good luck guys!

07142010

I'm feel pretty good these days. I can tell that I've lost weight by the relieved sigh my jeans are giving off while I wear them (well, most of them, anyway). I did have a set back with a donut today (my most recent weakness) but it wasn't the whole box and I didn't spurge so I feel alright with what I had. Not perfect, but it's progress, at least! Honestly, what's really stopping my from going to the donut shop every hour are the employees. I think they recognize me now so I don't want to be known as the fat ass that comes by every day, every hour for a donut.

And I'm supposed to be saving money. That thought kind of helps (not really).

I'm a little irritated by my coworkers. The gossipy nature of women and the pure hatred that they have for everyone that's a little "off" in their minds is making me back off. Apparently women aren't supposed to divorce their husbands, women should be marrying their boyfriends as soon as possible and having a million babies, men are supposed to be "perfect" or else they should be ripped to shreds.

Office stress, man. I work with older women and two random guys. The women and the guys are my boss' yesmen. I just hang in the background, away from the gossip, eating.

I don't know how much they like that.

Whatever.

So yeah! I'm really excited to get out of here for two weeks! I've been hanging around the library too long. Who knew that libraries would have so much inner insanity?

Hopefully, I'll come back 5-10 pounds lighter with luck and they can transfer all their negativeness to me (it actually makes me work harder...and at least they'll shut up around me). There was a time that they'd talk about my eating habits but now, three of them are all about this "hardcore" diet (1/2 orange in the morning with 2 eggs, fruit, and skinless chicken). I'm really interested in how long they last.

07132010

I had to start over.

I've been a wreck this past month. It almost felt like all the previous posts that I had were hanging around me and I couldn't move on. A little silly, maybe but I want to start anew and be happy about it. I have to admit, I do feel a little relieved.

The plan at the moment is the restrict as much as possible without b/ping. My dad has been giving me massive amounts of gum (apparently his store throws them out WAY before the expiration date). Cool. I've been chewing gum like mad. A typical day looks like breakfast - some sort of fruit, lunch - yogurt, dinner - whatever. The dinner part is what I need to work on. I'm constantly being tempted by my parents cooking but that needs to stop.

Also, I've been c/sing sweets like mad. That also needs to stop. With c&s, you do swallow some of what you chew, depending on how much self control you have. Things like pastries worked well but chocolate was a death wish since it's impossible to stop the avalanche of melted chocolate sliding down your throat. I'm sorry if this is triggering to anyone. Let me know if it is and I'll block some things out. Actually, let me go ahead and do that...

The thing that sucks about me starting over is that I'll be leaving on Friday for my graduate school orientation. Plus a visit with a friend for about 5 days before the orientation begins. My plan with my friend is to only eat around her and to order salads and things whenever we eat out. That's actually been my plan now; eating only when I'm around people (except for my guilty donut runs...). I've also been drinking a lot of sparkling water. It doesn't have caffeine in it so I don't think it'll dehydrate me (please let me know if I'm wrong).

At any rate.. I'll do an official weigh-in when I come back from my vacation/orientation. That'll be on August 2nd. It'll be alright, I'll have my laptop with me so I'll be able to post while I'm away. I also need to start commenting again. This little vacation of mine ruined me, I swear. I have BALLOONED and I want to feel good in my skinny jeans again.

I feel so shallow.

I hope everyone is doing well :)