Day 1//Vegan Week

Today wasn't a failure. Well, totally. I did have a vegan day (YES) but I ate way too much. The knowledge that Oreos are vegan is ridiculous. I'm going to cross those off my list forever. I'm glad that I got my fill of them today because that just means I won't want them later. Yay, I guess.

Since I was able to go full on vegan without wavering, tomorrow I'll add in the restriction aspect of my most diabolical plan. I've been doing some thinking and I really don't dislike veganism. It forces me to eat healthier, for one thing, and I do kind of like it. Maybe I'll have mostly vegan days after this week and then a couple of non vegan days shoved in (2 a week.). I think this will give me good practice until the New Year.

Tomorrow is as follows:

Breakfast - Diet Sierra Mist (0 cal)

Lunch - 1 pear (96 cal) + 1 apple cinnamon rice cake (50 cal)

Dinner - 1 cup mushroom (15 cal), 1 cup broccoli (30 cal), 1 cup onion (48 cal), tofu (117 cal)

Total... 356.

Kind of low. I'll allow myself a 120 cal banana if I get hungry after dinner.

Maybe I'm going about this all wrong but I guess we'll know soon enough. I don't want to eat for the sake of eating, which has been my life so far.

soon after; another post?

My problem is that I freak myself out every time I lose weight. I WANT lose weight but every time I approach the 130s, I start binging like crazy and gain weight like I'm some kind of fucked marathon eater.

What is it? Why do I do this?

Is it because I can clearly see grotesque bones on my chest (which, honestly, I love)?

Is it because the closer I get to the 130s, the more people start talking (I have a lot of muscle weight so I look smaller than I weigh but who gives a shit?)?

Clothes? I do hate buying new clothes (unless they're in a smaller size).

Whatever it is, it's done. I'm over it. When New Year comes, I'll be the most hardcore vegan I know (Um, I'll elaborate later). I turn 24 next year, I think it's time. I need to celebrate my birthday (I don't know why I'm mentioning this now) with a low low new weight.

My friends like to feed me but I'm just going to have to start saying no and eating half a portion. Until vegan comes and then I'll refuse everything.

It's awful that I'm using veganism as an excuse not to eat crap but whatever, I can't care anymore.

It's been pretty horrible lately. Well, I've been pretty horrible. The entire month of October was a binging month and remember doesn't seem to be doing any better. However, I managed to control my eating yesterday besides the dinner I promised my friend I'd eat. I know it's possible for me. I just need to do it. And blogging is a chore some times. I know it helps but then I abandon it for weeks or months at a time. But right now, as I type this out, I feel pretty good. Blogging suddenly feel hopeful.

I'm starting a vegan week. From Monday through Friday... Ok, Sunday, I'll be vegan. Mostly to cleanse myself of all the horribleness I've been eating the past month and a half.

Good luck to me?

I also need to do lots of homework. Grad school sucks, just to let you know. But on a positive note (since this whole post is such a drag), it's almost over? I can finally devote a ridiculous amount of time to working out and shrinking my bod! I'll put up a calendar of events soon. To help me organize.

I'm a surprisingly unorganized person for being in library school. Christ.